Sometimes I want to forget it all , like God forgets our sins and remembers them no more once we confess .
I want to forget that I lost my virginity at the age of eight ,I want to forget that God and I fell apart at the age of nine when He watched history replay.
I want forget that I knew rejection at a young age , that I knew bitterness and trauma at an age I was only supposed to know God , books and hide and seek.
I want to forget that in the odd numbers of my past ages there was something to cry about . I want to forget that teachers have abused me yet I am passionate about teaching.
I want to forget that at some point out of self pitty and low self-esteem, I made silly decisions that caused me pain later.
I want to forget the many times I’ve sinned against God , I knew it yet still did it again and again and felt nothing about it, because well, He watched me go through pain. This is no justification for hurting my saviour again and again, He understands pain better than I do.
I want to forget the crushing words I’ve heard from people I love. I want to forget that someone I once called best friend saw nothing more valuable in me and walked out of my life , after begging them to consider the friendship.
I want to forget that a doctor refused to attend to me and the next one saw a grown woman in a teenager. I want to forget it all .
I want to forget that people got “busy” to even respond to a “hi” text or a missed call ,because they have tight schedules.
I want to forget that I’ve been rejected by an institution I had my heart on.
I want to forget the fact that I cannot erase my past!
I wish I could have a clean slate since childhood.
But no! I won’t forget!
I won’t forget all that . Because if I do ,I’ll be throwing away grace and mercy and unconditional love I’ve received from my God.
I’ll be forgetting the power of the cross and the power of the blood of Jesus Christ that He poured for the Salvation of my soul, blood that has been cleaning my slate over and over.
I will be forgetting the nights in the valleys when He wrapped me in the warmth of His unconditional love.
I will be forgetting the battles unseen He fought for me when I couldn’t go on.
I will be forgetting God my Father, Jesus my saviour, and Holy Spirit my helper, yet no, I cannot forget them.
And so no, I won’t forget!